dumb bitch

So here is my response to the idiot that chose to post my photo on GirlLooksLikeABitch.com and a poorly written paragraph about me titled “We need a good 50s man wife slapper in the house”.

Points that I would like to make:

a) I am sorry if the person who posted this did so with the idea that it would “hurt” me or result in me breaking down in some sort of way because “someone out there” happens not to like me…Instead, it made me laugh harder than I have in a while. I take your post (whomever you are) as a compliment because it’s obvious that I’ve left a “stamp” so significant on your life that you actually felt the need to create this (p.s. thanks for choosing a good picture) and waste moments of your life, that you can NEVER get back, talking about me. I, on the other hand, don’t have time to do such ridiculous things, because I have a life (*let me state again, the only reason I’m responding to this is to avoid doing house work*)…and apparently you’re not significant enough to my life to ever make me want to create something like this about you. I think it’s safe to say that whoever you are, you don’t play a significant role in my life or you just happen to be pretty much non-existent to me, and unfortunately, for some reason you can’t stand this? It’s been said “You only have to worry when people stop talking about you”, this is pretty fitting. At least I’m doing something interesting enough, good or bad, for it to be considered “news worthy” unlike whatever it is you’re obviously doing with your life. I feel that this is a perfect time to quote Katt Williams:

“You’ve got to live your mother f-ing life. Understand [people] are going to hate you regardless. Get that out of your head, that fantasy world where [people] ain’t hating on you. Be grateful, you need haters, what are you complaining about, what are you mad about? So what he/she keeps talking about you and hating on you. What do you think a “hater’s” job is to do? To hate. So let them mother f’s do their job. If you have someone hating on you right now you need to get 5 more people hating on you by Christmas. You need haters to make you stronger, without haters, some people wouldn’t try to become better…if there’s any haters in here right now that don’t have nobody to hate on, feel free to hate on me, sit back there and say my hair and luxurious when ya know it is, bitch.”

(edited in some areas because the actual amount of swearing didn’t intensify the point I’m trying to make so it wasn’t worth including)

moving right along…

Now, here are the points I’d like to make about what was specifically written.

b) the title is completely moronic. “We need a good 50s man wife slapper in the house”…umm? This title only serves to show that you (the writer of this fine composition) are most likely male, I don’t know of any woman (that likes or dislikes me) that would say that I basically need to have a man slap me (or any woman)…I also can’t think of anyone that I know (male or female who likes or dislikes me) that actually views the men of the 1950s as wife slappers “stereotypically” which the title is trying to convey…however, obviously I do, because there’s one at least…the one who wrote this. Hmm.

c) “I will hit a woman…well not really but I would think about doing it”.
You should have used a comma after “well”. Both parts of this statement are true actually. Yes, I would hit a woman, but only if she hit me first or if I felt threatened to the point where I found it was necessary. BUT EVEN THEN the chances are so slim…I had a girl throw a full bottle at me once because she happened to be a classless drunk skank in a bar and I made her so insecure that she felt the need to do so. Did I attack her? No. Why? Not because I “wouldn’t” but because I didn’t feel the need to. I wasn’t that angry about it, I actually felt sorry for her instead…I pity her, to the point where I would feel bad for hitting her. I would also hit a woman if she endangered a family member or close friend, hell, I’d also hit a man for doing that. So, “I will hit a woman” is true, just very unlikely. As far as “well [,] not really but I would think about doing it.” True as well. The instances in which I happen to be upset but would NOT hit someone, which are umm, 99.99% of the time, I have often thought about it. Examples: an overly picky/annoying client (kidding, I love all of my clients) or a female who is out in public, half naked who might choose to verbally attack me or a friend, anytime Ann Coulter is on television…etc. so yes, there are times when I’ve thought about how great it would feel to hit someone, would I have ever done it? Most likely not, so yes, this is true as well.

d) “You just know if you take any kind of control away from this bitch she will hit the roof”
huh? You really should have specified what you meant by “control” and even then I think you could have chosen a better word for getting your point across more effectively, whatever point that might have been.

e) “Everyone is stupid, no one knows as much as she does.”
No, I don’t think EVERYONE is stupid, just A LOT of people. No, I don’t think I know more than EVERYONE else, just more than ALMOST everyone else.

f) “We are all just problems standing in the way of her success”
This is such a dumb statement. I don’t know of anyone that is standing in the way of my success or how they could manage to do that…I mean, I’m a hairstylist for God’s sake, not a politician. Seriously, only I can stand in the way of my own success loser, thank you very much.

g) “You just know she claims to be liberal. You know the kind of liberal that listens to Bob Dylan or the Beatles promotes tolerance of all people of different races and backgrounds.”
You REALLY need to improve your writing skills, Jesus! My writing skills are not perfect, but yours don’t hold a candle to mine. Goodness! Anyway…no, I’ve actually never claimed this. I have never walked up to a person and said, “My name is Mallory, I’m a liberal. Infact, I’m the kind of liberal that listens to Bob Dylan or the Beatles. I promote the tolerance of all people of different races and backgrounds.” BUT If I were to claim this…it would go more like this “My name is Mallory. I consider myself to be a liberal. I happen to also happen to like Bob Dylan and the Beatles. I really believe in tolerating the differences that happen to exist between people of different races, backgrounds, etc.” Idiot. So, really, no…I’ve never claimed to be “A Liberal”, I would say that my political views tend to be more liberal. I’m actually fiscally conservative, not that I would expect you to know what “fiscally” means based on your writing abilities. I would never say that liberals have a higher tendency to listent to Dylan or the Beatles or anything that stupid. I bet there are many raging conservatives that happen to like both. I do love Bob Dylan though, we actually happen to share a birthday. I respect the Beatles of course, but don’t listen to them ever really anymore. So,you screwed your point up there as well. And yes, I try to tolerate people of different races and backgrounds…as best I can. Of course there are a few things I might not “agree” with but I do try to tolerate it and I think everyone should.

h) “Then she calls you stupid, thinks that all people with a southern accent sound dumb”
I might have called you stupid once, sorry. I probably thought you were actually being stupid. My bad. But umm, hello, I HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT, why would I think that all people with a souhern accent sound dumb. You’re dumb for trying to make such a dumb fucking point.

i) “She doesn’t have any fat friends”
This is so stupid. I can’t believe I’m responding to this. But yes, I actually do have friends that might happen to be a little overweight. I would never tell them if I felt that way though, because I love my friends whether their “a buck 10″ or 300 lbs. So again you’re dumb for trying to make such a dumb fucking point…and you’re probably fat. ~

j) “But you know we all should learn how to get along with each other in her opinion”
Yes, that would be great…but isn’t that everyone’s opinion? generally???

Okay, I’m actually more willing to do housework than write anymore in response to this idiot. Good luck with your life.

It’s amazing how many people hate her.

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