September 15th, 2009 by admin

That time of the month, someone called her fat, Johnny Quarterback didn’t call her back, whatever the reason is it doesn’t matter. She’s still a bitch and you are her next target. Other than the gospel of Ani DiFranco there is no real rationale that can be applied to the reason she’s adopted for hating you. Just do whatever you feel like doing, like some kind of hate sprinkler. Spreading it in all directions that have a their reproductive organs hanging on the outside.  Another good candidate for the L.T.G. (Lesbian til Graduate) program. She’ll experiment with a few mild drugs and tell you she’s hard core. The only good thing is, judging by her horrible hair style or lack there of, she is too lazy to go out protest the evil ways of the establishment.

You know it’s so hard waking up at noon everyday, using the gas card Mom and Dad got me to fill up the Jetta. Head over to the local Starbucks and read Twilight, or write tons of bad poems. Poems about how, it’s wrong to be a man.

She’s more interested in impressing the power bitches at her all girl college with her Hello Kitty underwear than talk to you. Middle finger to the face mother fucker! Deal with that and feel bad for having a penis… Time to listen to Catie Curtis and wish I lived in Seattle. Then I could wear my long sleeve shirts with thumb holes year round. People don’t won’t judge you there like they do here.

September 9th, 2009 by Spencer

Green or Red?

Err… whichever one contains the least Rohypnol…

You never know when the above scenario could happen to you, like a daterape version of The Matrix:

After this, there is no turning back. You take the green – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

When a bitch like this wants to show you her rabbit-hole, it’s time to leave the party.

Even if it’s been a while, no trip to Wonderland is worth fractured ribs.

September 6th, 2009 by Spencer

Careful with that hair!  There’s a fine line between looking sexy and looking like you forgot to take your brain medicine.

September 3rd, 2009 by admin

I feel it necessary to point out her extremely small nostrils.  I’m sure the lack of oxygen getting through those pencil lead size holes had something to do with the fact that I found her mug shot on a site that had images of current inmates. Her skin reminds me of dough. It’s like someone was trying to make a pizza but ended up with a face. They found the ugliest color eyes they could and poked two tiny holes for her to breath. What I don’t understand is how her head starts out freckles and ends up acne. This is a major problem caused by the fact that they just let anyone mate.

Common Phrases:

• “Oh hell naw!”
• “I do what I want!”
• “What did that bitch say?”
• “You better RECOGNIZE!”
• “Their daddy better be here at six to pick up these kids.”
• “I did not just hear you say that!”
• “Those aren’t my pills.”
• “I’m not going down on you unless you go down on me first!”
• “One day when I finish paying my ex’s parents the $500 for getting  my Chevrolet Celebrity fixed. I’m gonna go back to beauty school and be an independent woman. “

You know when you walk into a room with this girl and ask how are things going, that’s the straw that broke the emotional camel’s back. She will not be told what to do by the likes of you. How dare you stand in the way of her happiness. She’ll have to move her head from side to side and wave her finger in your face to validate her point. Beware of the 90′s black slang she’ll use to rip you a new one.

Girls like her are the reason I’m pro-choice.

Good luck in jail sweetheart!

August 30th, 2009 by Spencer

Let’s talk about me, me, me.

This bitch has probably had sex with most of the supervisors in the call center where she works, yet no amount of sexual favors seems to bring that promotion.  That’s because nobody told her “you’re just another disposable fuck-toy destined to be replaced by hot 20-something talent as soon as you pass your freshness date”.
She’s taken in so much supervisor DNA over the years that when she eventually gives birth, the baby will be able to offer you a full refund when it throws up on your shoulder.

Frustrated with life and conscious that she’s no longer in her 20s she resorts to emulating the looks of younger women.  That’s why we see the characteristic eye covered by hair and star tattoo.  It’s classic “I’m 33 wishing I was 23″.

Outside of work this bitch is anxious if the topic of conversation veers away from herself, preferring to discuss:

- A name-dropped list of big people and ‘connections’.
- Dangerous stories about what happens to anyone who fucks with her
- Excuses as to why she is not more successful in life

Never passing up an opportunity to check herself out in the mirror/shiny surfaces this bitch fails to realize that youthful fashion statements and black and white photography can only wind the clock back for so long.

Next time you’re asked for your customer account details, spare a thought for the call center bitch trying to blow her way to the top.  She’ll still be answering the phones when she’s 45 and, to reward this dedication they’ll probably move her job to India.  That’s ok though, remember – this bitch knows people.  If anyone tries to move her job they will be fucking with the wrong people.
I’m sure the CEO of her company will be watching his back every day from that beach house in The Seychelles…

August 23rd, 2009 by Spencer

“I AM NOT A BITCH I AM THE BITCH”

So why did you choose those exact words for your t-shirt lady?
We just want to get a handle on whatever’s behind those words.
There’s definitely a couple of points we’d like to discuss.

Wait… your hairstyle seems strangely familiar…

Some bitches style their hair like hobbits in a bid to seem friendly and familiar to guys with a
Lord Of The Rings DVD boxset.

It’s the oldest trick in the book.  Never let that shit slip under your radar.

Be suspicious of any women who want to talk about Star Wars too, or sport.  Lots of bitches use the sport convo to get in with you just so they can fuck your best friend.  Be wary, especially if they know more about sport than women should (anything).  If in doubt, tell her your friends are all HIV+  If she’s still hanging around then that’s a green light.

August 22nd, 2009 by admin

Years of walking up and down wobbly non-attached stairs to a mobile home have chiseled the look that you see in that picture. I’m sure her mother was proud when she made it 17 without having her first kid. That’s 2 years older than when she gave birth to her. I’m sure the baby’s name is something like Chastity or Rhett. It’s ok though, the father sends $50 a week and picks her up in his tricked out 80′s model Buick Regal. They go cruising on Friday nights between the local mall and Pizza Hut. He’s aspiring to either become a rapper or start his own recording studio. He’s even drawn out his own logo. It’s a pot leaf with two 9mm pistols over the top. He’s got a “cousin” in the business that’s going to help get him started.

Conversation with this bitch is limited to bitching about how the other teen mothers in the trailer park shouldn’t be “runnin they mouth”, and do you know where to get any weed. Due to a low self esteem and small frame of reference, jokes are always taken as insults. Unless the jokes are about weed, then you might get a smirk.  It’s difficult to navigate the world of drugs and interracial dating for the sole purpose to piss off your parents AND try to make good grades while work a real job. Well heck work any job. I guess with a face like that you can write off sales or customer service. Maybe that victim attitude she carries around will land her a nice welfare check until junior there drops out of high school. The main reason being the other kids and teachers don’t get him and math is too hard.

August 19th, 2009 by admin

This bitch looks like Doug.

August 17th, 2009 by Spencer

What’s up bitch fans.

I’m no expert on genetics so I’m going to give you some basic science here.

Generally when you procreate, you’re not going to come up with something as well presented as this bitch.
Chances are, you don’t have the big eye / anime genes necessary.  Not many of us do.

So how can we all win when making children?  This is a question scientists have been asking for centuries and one we are going to answer today…

Just have sex with something cute.

Consider inserting your penis into one of the following:

Preferrably one with big tits if you really want your progeny to look like today’s bukake-me bitch.

August 15th, 2009 by Spencer

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn, and cauldron bubble”

Famous words there from the witches in Shakespear’s Macbeth… or as the woman above would say,
“fuck this I need a smoke”

I don’t know exactly what’s on this bitch’s agenda.  I know the following items are not:

- Expanding the frontiers of human knowledge by developing a new theory on spacetime.
- Cleaning her teeth

As for the shiny face…  When I was 16 my Dad explained how women get a shiny face:

“Women get shiny faces from giving too many blowjobs.  They suck away and their cheeks repeatedly rub across the bottom of a guy’s shiny leather jacket and that’s how they wind up with a shiny face.”

I was shocked by his words.  It wasn’t what I expected to hear at Mom’s funeral.
It was an educational eulogy speech, I’ll give him that.

Thinking back, my Uncle Peter and his friend Derek used to have very shiny faces.  Mostly when they came out of the toolshed after “mending stuff”.  One day, when we were having a barbecue, a neighbour shouted “you guys should join the YMCA”.
Mom shouted back “I’ll burn your fucking house down nigger fuck”.  It was meaningless grown-up speak to me, aged 6, as I played in my sandbox.

But years later, you have that Columbo-like moment of adult realization where you stop and think…
So that’s why Mom asked me to throw the dogshit over the fence.