November 29th, 2009 by Spencer

I’m in a band

Really?  That’s interesting because nobody gives a fuck.

Chances are, you sound shit, you can’t play and most of your time wasted “jamming” is spent mutually congratulating the other band members on imaginary talent or discussing the imaginary day you’re so big you go on a world tour.

Well bitch… I’d love to stay and chat but I actually have to go and talk to some grown-ups so if you could finish bagging my groceries that’d be fucking great.

November 18th, 2009 by Spencer

See how her triangular face emerges from its blow-dried cocoon like an angry polygon hatching out of a furry egg.

Yes, today we have another specimen to examine under the GirlLooksLikeABitch microscope.

I’ve measured the angles of her face with my protractor and it’s a triangle.  Always carry a protractor so you can lockdown the geometry of a bitch with an equilateral face.

Having taken all the necessary measurements, I can confirm she’s a bitch.  She probably does that thing with her fingers all the time when she’s talking.  And, I’d guess most of her sentences include the words “Doing The Whole” and “Thing” e.g. : “Doing the whole conversation thing, doing the whole blow-dried hair thing, doing the whole girl looks like a bitch thing.“  – You know, the linguistic signature of a 21st century idiot.

On the back of that you know she readily substitutes coherent English for whatever bullshit way of speaking she picks up day-to-day in forums; to the point that her parents and other adults don’t have a clue what she’s talking about 99% of the time.  Only 2 other people on the planet can understand all her in-jokes and affected speech.  Not surprisingly, they all share the same hairstyle and all discuss inventive ways to kill their parents when they get grounded.

Anyway, the bitch above sees herself as their leader.  Whenever a new social networking phenomena emerges she’s all over it like a rash and is quick to tell her friends who have not yet moved over to Twatbook or MyShit how behind with the times they are.

She also writes a blog about obscure Japanese bands you’ve never heard of.  If you did hear about them, she’d stop writing about them and move onto something you’ve not heard of.  She’s not actually interested in the bands or the music, she’s only really interested in you believing that she’s “cutting edge”.  And, like so many bitches, she’s one giant ego-fuelled, hormonal train-wreck who just needs to realize that her “trademark uniqueness” can be found on every street in every city.  Yawn.

The problem with living the life of a self-deluded bullshitter is that ultimately things go wrong…
It’s like Uncle Derek used to say, “Having sex with your Uncle is perfectly natural”.  That was before he got arrested.
I remember when the police confiscated his computer.  They wanted to know why he had pictures of Angelo, the boy next door on his hard drive.  He told them some story that Angelo’s pants had fallen down by accident and he was helping to zip them up…  the camera just happened to be there.

So they asked him why would you need to zip them up with your mouth?  That’s when his bullshit fell apart.

He’s in jail now.  The moral of the story is, don’t bullshit, you’ll get found out in the end.
Besides, it sets a bad example for kids like Triangulina here and her impressionable friends.

November 12th, 2009 by admin

Ignorance is the weapon black women like this use against any kind of reasoning or moral obligations the rest of us in society use on a daily basis.

Arrive at the exact same time as Shaniqua at a 4-way stop and even though you’re the person on the right and have right-of-way, she will go first. You aren’t half as important as she is. Doesn’t matter if you’re late for work, going to visit your sick Grandmother, or even going to identify the body of a love one at the morgue. Where you need to be isn’t half as important as where she needs to be.

The people that get it worst are those who work in the service industry. A waitress can forget getting a tip. Although she’ll receive a great deal more grief for any effort she puts into it. Not sure if she’s just that self centered or embarrassed to admit she can’t calculate 15% in her head. Simple math, forget it! Not happening in this beauty product smelling world she lives in.

A car mechanic isn’t in the clear either. If he works on her car, anything that goes wrong with it in the future is his fault. If she is quoted a price for something by anyone on the phone they have to add tax in. If they don’t she’ll show up with a check for the exact amount they quoted and get her panties in a wad and make a scene.

Finding a rich man is of the highest priority. Work is to be avoided at all costs, because lets all face it. She’s better than that. With all she has to offer, finding a rich man shouldn’t be hard to do.

For some reason this bitch enjoys oiling herself up like a pig. The shinier her skin the more beautiful she is or it just makes it harder for a cop to catch her. Vaseline is a cure all for any kind of skin problem as well. Feet cracked up, no problem, just glob in a ton of Vaseline. Make sure you get it in between your toes and wear flip flops into public places. Shaniqua isn’t above putting cooking oil in her hair as well. I’m not talking about the wig she has on. I’m talking about the very short, wiry hair that sits underneath. That’s why the strictly deep fried diet is important. On that note I’d hate to see her bathroom. Probably looks like a beauty section in a local drug store. I don’t understand the tattoo on her arm either. Is it supposed to draw your eye away from her Grimus body type? No tattoo is going to draw people’s attention away from the fact that if she took her bottom off you wouldn’t have to censor anything out for TV.

November 2nd, 2009 by Spencer

This girl posted the pic you see above to attract men – I shit you not.

Like we’ve all suddenly become fans of the twisted-hateface look.

Staring at you like you just ass-raped her daughter and sent her the PornoTube links, she manages an expression of disgust I normally reserve for Nazi war crimes or the music of James Blunt.

If that’s how she looks when she’s happy, I’d hate to be the one to leave a few stray drops on her toilet seat.

Her scrawny body is not so much the product of a healthy lifestyle, more the exhausting consequence of being angry 24-7.  Now she’s inviting one lucky guy to share in her world of misery and despair.  Forgive us if we don’t all line up…

Having no friends means she always has to take her own pic.  If someone had been around to help her, that poisonous bitch-scowl would never have been allowed to go public.  Even the dumbest assistant would have pulled it with editorial vigil instead of unleashing it on innocent men, women and children.

Her life revolves around her wardrobe which is full of freakish oddities.  This is what happens when all your shopping sprees happen alone – there’s nobody to warn you that maybe those sparkley pants you’re about to buy actually make you look like a brain injury patient who had their style cortex removed.  Then there’s her lingo… clutching to remnants of the past, her favourite phrases are “As If!” and “phat” – both things her friends used to say in the 1990s, the last time they spoke.

These reclusive traits have left her trapped in a vicious circle.  What she really needs to put a smile back on her dial is rough sex.  But, as long as she’s going around looking at every man like he just took a dump in her cornflakes it won’t happen.  That makes her more angry which drives her even further away from getting what she needs.
It’s unfortunate but she really could sell herself a bit better – I’ve seen happier faces at funerals.

October 29th, 2009 by Spencer

Something different for you today on GirlLooksLikeABitch:  A bit of sophistication.

Here we’ve got beauty combined with intelligence…
and slick looks blended with round but shapely curves.

Make no mistake, when you’re out and about with this little charmer all your friends will stop and stare for the right reasons.  Behind your back they will be saying, “I want that sexy bitch for myself”

But enough about the Nokia E71, let’s talk about the dirty piece of scaggy bitchmeat holding it up to the mirror to photograph her pig-ugly self.  Yes, she decided to snap a quick profile pic on the way out of the bathroom…

After squeezing out a monster turd and changing her tampon this bitch clearly believes she’s at her visual peak.
Her facial muscles appear numbed by the evil stench she just manufactured, hardly surprising when you consider the mangled blob of guts she has in place of where a normal girl’s body would be.

Instead of having discernable features like breasts and a waistline, she has one giant burger-filled skin-sack of cholesterol from which only bad things can ever emerge.  I feel really sorry for the next bitch to walk in…
Who wants to breathe the pungent death-scent lurking around that cubicle?
Don’t bother holding your phone up bitch, pretending like you’re only in here on some kind of special bathroom photoshoot.  We all know you did it.  Admit that you stink.

October 25th, 2009 by admin

As we get strait to business on this one lets start out by taking a moment to laugh at Ms. Piggy on the left. She really thinks she fits in. There seems to always be a girl like that in a group of girls. Not sure if she’s there to make the rest look better or if she thinks being with “skinny” girls will make her look better. I guarantee you this, she was the first to lose her virginity out of these 4 girls and you know it’s  to a 21 year old who wears a flat bill. If she’d just learn how to smoke instead of comfort eat like the of the cheerleaders have she wouldn’t be in such a 16:9 format.

You know fatty there drives a Honda Civic…

Now that’s over with I need to tell you that not all cheerleaders are smart enough to be a bitch. Most of these self centered mouth breathers are too worried about themselves to be a jerk to you, but give the appearance of being a bitch.

Interaction with this unfortunately common personality type can be quite painful. Conversation usually ends up with the exact same look you get from a dog when you show it a card trick. All you get back usually is a barrage of does this make me look fat type questions. Most of these girls do not look good looking enough to sport the valley girl routine. The only reason most teen aged and desperate early twenty something guys put up with this shit is because these girls give off the illusion that they carry some of brand new, unused fuck holes just waiting for a flesh kielbasa slide in and out of until an orgasm is reached. Any other guy will tell her to go fuck herself. Also the movie Clueless is held in the same high regards as the movie Red Dawn is to right winged nut jobs who believe Obama is going to take away their guns.

October 12th, 2009 by Spencer

“I bring you peace, joy and love.”

This smiling, sparkley-eyed hippie wouldn’t hurt a fly and should not be posted on this site right?

WRONG.  She’s a fuckin’ bitch and I’m going to explain why.

Never be hoodwinked by a radiant smile.

Smiling is a dangerously persuasive technique right up there alongside when they lick that bit between your ball-sack and asshole.  It will make you compliant.
Don’t fall for it.

From the pseudo-ethnic clothing we can deduce some basic lifestyle facts…

She doesn’t eat meat.  She believes in alternative medicine.  She likes essential oils.

Nice girl right?  Wrong…

She’s the bitch who will waste your grandmother’s time telling her to wear a moon crystal in her panties when what she really needs to stop the cancer is chemotherapy.

She drifts from one aimless cause to the next and thinks by getting a tattoo of an indian tribe on her ankle that she’s in tune with nature.

And, never accept an invitation to this bitch’s party.  She’ll ruin the experience by getting her accoustic guitar out.  She won’t stop singing even though people start leaving with increasingly weaker excuses.
“La la la… Oh… you’re leaving too Jim? Well, hope your kids recover from that Ebola virus soon.  La la la.  OK who wants to play eco-friendly pass the parcel?  There’s no packaging around the prize, you just have to use your imagination. La la la”

Thanks bitch,  I always wanted a figurine of the Hindu deity Shiva made out of elephant shit.

 
 
There are more candles in her house than the Vatican city branch of Candleworld and she met her tree-surgeon boyfriend while fundraising for dolphins with AIDS.  He’s a white witch who introduced her to pagan magic and the world of eastern herb medicine, none of which actually works and most of which involves consuming the penis of an endangered species…

As always, it’s been a pleasure bitch.  Thanks for the dream-catcher.  RIP Grandma.

October 5th, 2009 by Spencer

“I love shoes.  I love shopping.  I love buying shoes.”

We’ve all heard that oestrogen-charged bullshit flow from women’s mouths over the years, but what does it really mean?

Today I will attempt to convert this irritating, histrionic bitch-talk into something less emotional that our logical, clear-thinking minds can comprehend:

“I love buying shoes – I’ve probably got <insert stupid number here> pairs of shoes.”
Translation: My face is a bit ugly, I need lots of shoes to distract you from looking at my fuck-ugly face.

Look out for that – it’s always the not so hot bitches that boast about the the shoes and the numbers.

These idiots can even buy greeting cards to announce to the world about how much they care about shoes.

But is there anything wrong with loving shoes?  Let’s try and answer this question by seeing what happens
when shoe-love goes too far…

“I love shoes too.”

Q: Some people find shoes very exciting, but how far is going too far?
A: Returning stolen shoes to the local nursery school having masturbated into them is too far, as is driving one of these.

Wise up.  Keep your kids away from shoe-freaks.  Together, let’s keep our neighbourhoods ShoeSafe™.

Don’t be fooled.  Shoe-love is not just another harmless fetish.  If it was, it would be like those harmless guys who have sex with balloons.

Outside of the warped world of the shoe-maniac, is wearing footwear important for the rest of us?
Perhaps less than you think…

In fact, experts agree – the simple act of taking shoes off can create a more relaxed atmosphere around the family home:

A tough day in the convent is quickly forgotten during the humble art of shoe removal.

To all the wannabe-bitch-scum, the Paris Hilton disciples etc.  This is how shoes should be:  functional, not collectable.

Remember that fact next time you’re spending the Gross Domestic Product of Africa on another pointless pair of Jimmy Choos.  They’re not Pokéshoes… and you don’t have to catch them all.

October 3rd, 2009 by admin

Classic bitch here, the yellow polka dots in conjunction with the gun metal blue hair is a dead give away of an attention whore. That should be noticed by anyone. I don’t understand The Bangle’s style eye liner or dressing like a bizarro Cyndi Lauper to get people’s attention. Why not be sociable and make friends. Then you can have someone to talk to and be social with instead of having to always worry about making first impressions with new people. That makeup really brings out the tan color of her teeth as well. That’s just what guys want too, a girl that really globs it on. She’s just a temper tantrum away from being a stripper.

I’m sure she’s got a weird personality and not a cool weird personality you’d get from someone that tries so hard to be different. Really if you think about it, it’s not the girls that are antisocial like Faces McGee up there. It’s the girls that act normal and have some intelligence like Kari Byran and I would try to think of another example  but it’s so rare to come by I can’t think of another one, that get the guys. You can tell this girl has a really fucked up personality. For example  if you offered her a hot dog you’d get a weird look and new cuts on her arms the next day. Probably spends most of her free time, and I bet there is a lot of free time, drawing pictures that really suck. The only thing that gets her up in the morning is her belief of how unique she is and how much more awesome she is than you.

If you liked the same bands or “groups” as she does you’ll probably be in her category of dating material. I feel sorry for the black t-shirt with lighting and guitars on it wearing guy that would end up with her. She’ll produce a rule book full of insane rules like don’t cut your thumb nail, here’s a list of pantone colors you can use in future tattoos, we use the third person is to be used all the time around my friends and your friends can’t talk to me or comment on my hipster style artwork while they are over here watching you play Halo.

You know because there’s always a guy desperate enough out there she’ll one day become a mother. I can only imagine what her kids will turn out like.

Yeah your mother’s a bitch alright, maybe the next time she tries to commit suicide for attention, maybe she’ll be successful.

September 24th, 2009 by admin

Tabbs24x7 is from the arm pit of America, probably one of the square states, and the product of modern times’ youth. What a waste to put that horrible personality inside that decent looking body. That’s God playing his tricks again by creating that. When I hear that voice I can feel my blood pressure going up. It’s like my eyes are being pushed out of my head. There’s just too much movement also. If you had vertigo she’d make you puke.

You know I may need therapy after this.

I could only imagine a face to face conversation with this, “Jack Russell” version of a human being. It’s got to be like if you wrote random things girls say around the different bumpers and obstacles in a pinball machine. You just watch the ball bounce around and whatever it hits that’s what you say back.

I’m sure a lot of you view this video as innocent. She’s a bored teen with A.D.D. kicking in between last period and bedtime. The webcam on her Mac is like a ball of string to a cat. She’s testing the waters with this video. If Hannah Montana can be famous well heck, so can I! I just got my braces off last week so grab the ferret and find random crap lying around the house. Let’s pollute youtube with more obnoxious teen girl bullshit. The bad thing is, her plan is working. She’s already gained just enough fame to end up on this poorly written hate site. Doesn’t mean she’s not a bitch though.

Someone emailed me this begging me to write something about her. A few seconds into the video I didn’t really think she looked like a bitch. I mean she’s no Mugshot Bitch. Then about a minute into the video I couldn’t stand it any longer. She’s a bitch and fuck her personality. From now on if I ever run into a girl that looks remotely like her I’ll dub her a bitch. She’s raised the bar for girls that look like her. She’s a benchmark bitch.

It’s what makes her, her that pisses me off the most. It’s whats inside that I hate. I hate her not based on the way she looks but the way she acts. It’s what makes her a individual that’s bullshit.