May 29th, 2010 by admin

Funny how a girl like Jacqueline92 here that looks like she walked out of an anime movie playing a style of guitar that was popular two decades ago and can be praised as a genius.  A guy doing exactly the same thing would be told to tune his guitar, cut his hair or made fun of for being an 80′s freak. Meeting this girl would be a real pain in the ass. Just like meeting someone like James Caan. A real self absorbed piece of shit. I’m sure the only way you could have a conversation with her is if you were an encyclopedia of over rated guitar players from the last century.

Girls that are in to stereotypical guy things like sports, tools or racing, always seem to be one dimensional. Take Dimebag Sherrell up there, you know talking to her about anything other than guitar would draw a blank. It would be like playing $25,000 Pyramid with a 6 year old. You’d get a lot of repeating what you just said and blank stares.

Some women really try hard by liking guy stuff but they don’t really understand what that guys really don’t give a shit what she likes or not. She just has to suck dick like a pro. Instead they are trying to impress a single group of guys, like a girls who “loves” sports. Most sports fans are losers. They will waste an entire weekend watching football instead of paying attention to the family or fixing the leaky faucet in the kitchen. Just think about all the guys you know that play guitar. Why get into playing shred guitar like this bitch has done? Who is she trying to impress? You know if you didn’t know anything about guitar she wouldn’t give you the time of day. You also know what guys are like that obsess about playing guitar. Just think about your friend’s older brother. You know that 31 year old that rents the room above his parents garage. He works the graveyard shift at Wal-Mart buffing the floors because he’s too antisocial to deal with the public. The 31 year old that used to be in a band, hands out demo tapes even though most people don’t have anyway of playing a cassette tape anymore. Kids these days don’t even know you can flip the tape over and play the other side. No one cares that he can sing like Axl Rose anymore. Just watch the documentary Anvil: The Story of Anvil. That will explain it all.

I bet you couldn’t even talk to her about other kinds of music without her becoming a real snob about it. Like the band Was (Not_Was).

You know Jacqueline92 doesn’t know shit about this band. I mean just look at these guys. It’s obvious know of the two token white guys in the band or “group” doesn’t play the bass. Just listen to Walk the Dinosaur. That bass is too funky for anyone of the pale variety to wrap their head around. What the hell is the deal with those white guys anyway. It’s like the one on the wants to look like Tom Waits so bad he can’t see straight and I never knew that the guy from Counting Crows was in Was (Not Was). You know those black guys are very serious about what the do for a living. The kind of black guy that gets out of an ’86 Lincoln Continental and wouldn’t be above getting into an argument with the part time waitress at Pizza Hut because the sign says $10 large pizza and when they get to the register it’s $11.99. She tries to explain that stuff crust is extra but they don’t want to hear her shit. They will point at people with their canes and get upset over the extra $1.99 until some guy behind them just throws the money on the counter and says there you go you fucking bag of shit! Just get your goddamn pizza and get the fuck out!

I’d like to see this bitch really rock out Camptown Races. She probably wouldn’t because she’s so serious about her future career in playing 80′s hair metal in 2010. She might as well cut her hair in the style of the Seinfeld mullet. Get some pants with elastic in the waste and triangles printed all over them and just teach guitar. You also have to tuck a a white t-shirt into your pants and wear high tops to teach guitar in music stores. Ironically the Mel Bay books they make you get will start you out with songs like Camptown Races.

Fuck her! I’ll get on stage and play a bunch of TV themes like Night Court, or Hangn’ with Mr. Cooper then end the show with Careless Whisper or that song Oh Yeah by Yello. Hell I could probably move out to some trendy artsy city like Seattle and just get on stage and do sound effects. Just grab the mic and be like “Here’s a door closing” or “White noise”. I might even just get on stage and tell the audience that we are going to have a staring contest. Tell them to be quiet and just stare at each other. Slowly take my pants off and see who looks away. When I’m done just throw a bunch of candy out and thank everyone for coming out. You know you’d rather see that than this bitch play Eruption or Dream Theater or something that sounds exactly like it but not quite as good as the original.

Could be worse though, I had a roommate that was in a band that covered Against the Wind by Bob Seger. Then he had the audacity to say they played “face melting” rock.

I have to take my blood pressure medicine now. I need to lay down.