March 18th, 2010 by Spencer

A few days ago we were contacted by a guy who was upset because we posted a picture of his bitch on this site:

Remember her?  What a pretentious bitch!

She’s dumb as fuck, and so is the idiot who contacted us on her behalf.  For the benefit of our loyal readers and bitch-hating fans around the globe we’re going to embarrass these kids by showing you the bullshit they sent us.

First of all, this guy sends us an email last friday:

Hi, I’d like to make a request for you to remove one of the submissions made last year.
It’s of the girl you titled ‘Pretentious Bitch’.

Here’s the link.
http://www.girllookslikeabitch.com/pretentious-bitch/

She submitted herself a while back for a joke to see what you guys would say about her and she died last week in a car accident.
It’d be very much appreciated by her friends and family if you could remove the article, it’s probably not the best way we want her to be remembered.

Thanks again.

Being the caring folks we are at GirlLooksLikeABitch we were deeply concerned with the mention of death and that one of our stories might be causing undue distress to a family during bereavement.

So, in accordance with our policy we consulted the GirlLooksLikeABitch magic 8-ball to figure out what to do.  It told us to write back to the guy explaining that we think his story is probably bullshit and to ask for proof of death.  You know, like a scanned funeral pamphlet or something:- The 8-ball knows that there are a lot of bullshitters out there who’d sell their own kids to get their bitch pic off our site.  I think it likes to be absolutely sure of it’s facts and so do we.

So we wrote back to the kid asking for proof.  This is what we got back:

Well everything seems to be in order.  I should make a public apology…
Wait… Lieutenant Columbo wants to speak to me…

“There is just one more thing Sir…  I couldn’t help noticing the image size is 500×329.  Mrs Columbo does a lot of web design and she tells me that’s a very unusual image size Sir.
If I was going to steal an image of a funeral pamphlet from Google I guess there must be hundreds or thousands to choose from.  What if I stole the image and didn’t bother to change the size.  Then that 500×329 would act like a fingerprint Sir.”

Turns out, of the many images of funeral pamphlets on Google Images, there is only one that’s 500×329:

Of course, they could have just had funerals at the same place with the same style of pamphlet.  Yes that’s probably what happened.  Wait… Columbo wants me to look at the creases in the paper…

The creases have been highlighted on the 2 images and then turned red to add tension and drama.
As you can see, the marks are in all the same places because the image of the pamphlet was copied.

The lazy fucker didn’t even bother to change the names:  same Reverend officiating, same honorary pallbearers, same pallbearers.. everything’s the same except for the obvious bits that have been photoshopped by an idiot.  It’s like the shit you’d get if you asked the old lady next door to edit it for you after she downed a bottle of gin.  Nice job.

Aside from being disrespectful to Mr. Johnson, Sr. and his family by using his genuine memorial service pamphlet this shows why this nasty bitch belongs on this site. She’s a low-life, her friends are low-lifes and between them, they couldn’t bullshit their way out of a paper bag.

The humiliation must be unbearable.  Her picture’s going nowhere and must remain on this site for life.