November 29th, 2009 by Spencer

I’m in a band

Really?  That’s interesting because nobody gives a fuck.

Chances are, you sound shit, you can’t play and most of your time wasted “jamming” is spent mutually congratulating the other band members on imaginary talent or discussing the imaginary day you’re so big you go on a world tour.

Well bitch… I’d love to stay and chat but I actually have to go and talk to some grown-ups so if you could finish bagging my groceries that’d be fucking great.

November 18th, 2009 by Spencer

See how her triangular face emerges from its blow-dried cocoon like an angry polygon hatching out of a furry egg.

Yes, today we have another specimen to examine under the GirlLooksLikeABitch microscope.

I’ve measured the angles of her face with my protractor and it’s a triangle.  Always carry a protractor so you can lockdown the geometry of a bitch with an equilateral face.

Having taken all the necessary measurements, I can confirm she’s a bitch.  She probably does that thing with her fingers all the time when she’s talking.  And, I’d guess most of her sentences include the words “Doing The Whole” and “Thing” e.g. : “Doing the whole conversation thing, doing the whole blow-dried hair thing, doing the whole girl looks like a bitch thing.“  – You know, the linguistic signature of a 21st century idiot.

On the back of that you know she readily substitutes coherent English for whatever bullshit way of speaking she picks up day-to-day in forums; to the point that her parents and other adults don’t have a clue what she’s talking about 99% of the time.  Only 2 other people on the planet can understand all her in-jokes and affected speech.  Not surprisingly, they all share the same hairstyle and all discuss inventive ways to kill their parents when they get grounded.

Anyway, the bitch above sees herself as their leader.  Whenever a new social networking phenomena emerges she’s all over it like a rash and is quick to tell her friends who have not yet moved over to Twatbook or MyShit how behind with the times they are.

She also writes a blog about obscure Japanese bands you’ve never heard of.  If you did hear about them, she’d stop writing about them and move onto something you’ve not heard of.  She’s not actually interested in the bands or the music, she’s only really interested in you believing that she’s “cutting edge”.  And, like so many bitches, she’s one giant ego-fuelled, hormonal train-wreck who just needs to realize that her “trademark uniqueness” can be found on every street in every city.  Yawn.

The problem with living the life of a self-deluded bullshitter is that ultimately things go wrong…
It’s like Uncle Derek used to say, “Having sex with your Uncle is perfectly natural”.  That was before he got arrested.
I remember when the police confiscated his computer.  They wanted to know why he had pictures of Angelo, the boy next door on his hard drive.  He told them some story that Angelo’s pants had fallen down by accident and he was helping to zip them up…  the camera just happened to be there.

So they asked him why would you need to zip them up with your mouth?  That’s when his bullshit fell apart.

He’s in jail now.  The moral of the story is, don’t bullshit, you’ll get found out in the end.
Besides, it sets a bad example for kids like Triangulina here and her impressionable friends.

November 12th, 2009 by admin

Ignorance is the weapon black women like this use against any kind of reasoning or moral obligations the rest of us in society use on a daily basis.

Arrive at the exact same time as Shaniqua at a 4-way stop and even though you’re the person on the right and have right-of-way, she will go first. You aren’t half as important as she is. Doesn’t matter if you’re late for work, going to visit your sick Grandmother, or even going to identify the body of a love one at the morgue. Where you need to be isn’t half as important as where she needs to be.

The people that get it worst are those who work in the service industry. A waitress can forget getting a tip. Although she’ll receive a great deal more grief for any effort she puts into it. Not sure if she’s just that self centered or embarrassed to admit she can’t calculate 15% in her head. Simple math, forget it! Not happening in this beauty product smelling world she lives in.

A car mechanic isn’t in the clear either. If he works on her car, anything that goes wrong with it in the future is his fault. If she is quoted a price for something by anyone on the phone they have to add tax in. If they don’t she’ll show up with a check for the exact amount they quoted and get her panties in a wad and make a scene.

Finding a rich man is of the highest priority. Work is to be avoided at all costs, because lets all face it. She’s better than that. With all she has to offer, finding a rich man shouldn’t be hard to do.

For some reason this bitch enjoys oiling herself up like a pig. The shinier her skin the more beautiful she is or it just makes it harder for a cop to catch her. Vaseline is a cure all for any kind of skin problem as well. Feet cracked up, no problem, just glob in a ton of Vaseline. Make sure you get it in between your toes and wear flip flops into public places. Shaniqua isn’t above putting cooking oil in her hair as well. I’m not talking about the wig she has on. I’m talking about the very short, wiry hair that sits underneath. That’s why the strictly deep fried diet is important. On that note I’d hate to see her bathroom. Probably looks like a beauty section in a local drug store. I don’t understand the tattoo on her arm either. Is it supposed to draw your eye away from her Grimus body type? No tattoo is going to draw people’s attention away from the fact that if she took her bottom off you wouldn’t have to censor anything out for TV.

November 2nd, 2009 by Spencer

This girl posted the pic you see above to attract men – I shit you not.

Like we’ve all suddenly become fans of the twisted-hateface look.

Staring at you like you just ass-raped her daughter and sent her the PornoTube links, she manages an expression of disgust I normally reserve for Nazi war crimes or the music of James Blunt.

If that’s how she looks when she’s happy, I’d hate to be the one to leave a few stray drops on her toilet seat.

Her scrawny body is not so much the product of a healthy lifestyle, more the exhausting consequence of being angry 24-7.  Now she’s inviting one lucky guy to share in her world of misery and despair.  Forgive us if we don’t all line up…

Having no friends means she always has to take her own pic.  If someone had been around to help her, that poisonous bitch-scowl would never have been allowed to go public.  Even the dumbest assistant would have pulled it with editorial vigil instead of unleashing it on innocent men, women and children.

Her life revolves around her wardrobe which is full of freakish oddities.  This is what happens when all your shopping sprees happen alone – there’s nobody to warn you that maybe those sparkley pants you’re about to buy actually make you look like a brain injury patient who had their style cortex removed.  Then there’s her lingo… clutching to remnants of the past, her favourite phrases are “As If!” and “phat” – both things her friends used to say in the 1990s, the last time they spoke.

These reclusive traits have left her trapped in a vicious circle.  What she really needs to put a smile back on her dial is rough sex.  But, as long as she’s going around looking at every man like he just took a dump in her cornflakes it won’t happen.  That makes her more angry which drives her even further away from getting what she needs.
It’s unfortunate but she really could sell herself a bit better – I’ve seen happier faces at funerals.