October 29th, 2009 by Spencer

Something different for you today on GirlLooksLikeABitch:  A bit of sophistication.

Here we’ve got beauty combined with intelligence…
and slick looks blended with round but shapely curves.

Make no mistake, when you’re out and about with this little charmer all your friends will stop and stare for the right reasons.  Behind your back they will be saying, “I want that sexy bitch for myself”

But enough about the Nokia E71, let’s talk about the dirty piece of scaggy bitchmeat holding it up to the mirror to photograph her pig-ugly self.  Yes, she decided to snap a quick profile pic on the way out of the bathroom…

After squeezing out a monster turd and changing her tampon this bitch clearly believes she’s at her visual peak.
Her facial muscles appear numbed by the evil stench she just manufactured, hardly surprising when you consider the mangled blob of guts she has in place of where a normal girl’s body would be.

Instead of having discernable features like breasts and a waistline, she has one giant burger-filled skin-sack of cholesterol from which only bad things can ever emerge.  I feel really sorry for the next bitch to walk in…
Who wants to breathe the pungent death-scent lurking around that cubicle?
Don’t bother holding your phone up bitch, pretending like you’re only in here on some kind of special bathroom photoshoot.  We all know you did it.  Admit that you stink.

October 25th, 2009 by admin

As we get strait to business on this one lets start out by taking a moment to laugh at Ms. Piggy on the left. She really thinks she fits in. There seems to always be a girl like that in a group of girls. Not sure if she’s there to make the rest look better or if she thinks being with “skinny” girls will make her look better. I guarantee you this, she was the first to lose her virginity out of these 4 girls and you know it’s  to a 21 year old who wears a flat bill. If she’d just learn how to smoke instead of comfort eat like the of the cheerleaders have she wouldn’t be in such a 16:9 format.

You know fatty there drives a Honda Civic…

Now that’s over with I need to tell you that not all cheerleaders are smart enough to be a bitch. Most of these self centered mouth breathers are too worried about themselves to be a jerk to you, but give the appearance of being a bitch.

Interaction with this unfortunately common personality type can be quite painful. Conversation usually ends up with the exact same look you get from a dog when you show it a card trick. All you get back usually is a barrage of does this make me look fat type questions. Most of these girls do not look good looking enough to sport the valley girl routine. The only reason most teen aged and desperate early twenty something guys put up with this shit is because these girls give off the illusion that they carry some of brand new, unused fuck holes just waiting for a flesh kielbasa slide in and out of until an orgasm is reached. Any other guy will tell her to go fuck herself. Also the movie Clueless is held in the same high regards as the movie Red Dawn is to right winged nut jobs who believe Obama is going to take away their guns.

October 12th, 2009 by Spencer

“I bring you peace, joy and love.”

This smiling, sparkley-eyed hippie wouldn’t hurt a fly and should not be posted on this site right?

WRONG.  She’s a fuckin’ bitch and I’m going to explain why.

Never be hoodwinked by a radiant smile.

Smiling is a dangerously persuasive technique right up there alongside when they lick that bit between your ball-sack and asshole.  It will make you compliant.
Don’t fall for it.

From the pseudo-ethnic clothing we can deduce some basic lifestyle facts…

She doesn’t eat meat.  She believes in alternative medicine.  She likes essential oils.

Nice girl right?  Wrong…

She’s the bitch who will waste your grandmother’s time telling her to wear a moon crystal in her panties when what she really needs to stop the cancer is chemotherapy.

She drifts from one aimless cause to the next and thinks by getting a tattoo of an indian tribe on her ankle that she’s in tune with nature.

And, never accept an invitation to this bitch’s party.  She’ll ruin the experience by getting her accoustic guitar out.  She won’t stop singing even though people start leaving with increasingly weaker excuses.
“La la la… Oh… you’re leaving too Jim? Well, hope your kids recover from that Ebola virus soon.  La la la.  OK who wants to play eco-friendly pass the parcel?  There’s no packaging around the prize, you just have to use your imagination. La la la”

Thanks bitch,  I always wanted a figurine of the Hindu deity Shiva made out of elephant shit.

 
 
There are more candles in her house than the Vatican city branch of Candleworld and she met her tree-surgeon boyfriend while fundraising for dolphins with AIDS.  He’s a white witch who introduced her to pagan magic and the world of eastern herb medicine, none of which actually works and most of which involves consuming the penis of an endangered species…

As always, it’s been a pleasure bitch.  Thanks for the dream-catcher.  RIP Grandma.

October 5th, 2009 by Spencer

“I love shoes.  I love shopping.  I love buying shoes.”

We’ve all heard that oestrogen-charged bullshit flow from women’s mouths over the years, but what does it really mean?

Today I will attempt to convert this irritating, histrionic bitch-talk into something less emotional that our logical, clear-thinking minds can comprehend:

“I love buying shoes – I’ve probably got <insert stupid number here> pairs of shoes.”
Translation: My face is a bit ugly, I need lots of shoes to distract you from looking at my fuck-ugly face.

Look out for that – it’s always the not so hot bitches that boast about the the shoes and the numbers.

These idiots can even buy greeting cards to announce to the world about how much they care about shoes.

But is there anything wrong with loving shoes?  Let’s try and answer this question by seeing what happens
when shoe-love goes too far…

“I love shoes too.”

Q: Some people find shoes very exciting, but how far is going too far?
A: Returning stolen shoes to the local nursery school having masturbated into them is too far, as is driving one of these.

Wise up.  Keep your kids away from shoe-freaks.  Together, let’s keep our neighbourhoods ShoeSafe™.

Don’t be fooled.  Shoe-love is not just another harmless fetish.  If it was, it would be like those harmless guys who have sex with balloons.

Outside of the warped world of the shoe-maniac, is wearing footwear important for the rest of us?
Perhaps less than you think…

In fact, experts agree – the simple act of taking shoes off can create a more relaxed atmosphere around the family home:

A tough day in the convent is quickly forgotten during the humble art of shoe removal.

To all the wannabe-bitch-scum, the Paris Hilton disciples etc.  This is how shoes should be:  functional, not collectable.

Remember that fact next time you’re spending the Gross Domestic Product of Africa on another pointless pair of Jimmy Choos.  They’re not Pokéshoes… and you don’t have to catch them all.

October 3rd, 2009 by admin

Classic bitch here, the yellow polka dots in conjunction with the gun metal blue hair is a dead give away of an attention whore. That should be noticed by anyone. I don’t understand The Bangle’s style eye liner or dressing like a bizarro Cyndi Lauper to get people’s attention. Why not be sociable and make friends. Then you can have someone to talk to and be social with instead of having to always worry about making first impressions with new people. That makeup really brings out the tan color of her teeth as well. That’s just what guys want too, a girl that really globs it on. She’s just a temper tantrum away from being a stripper.

I’m sure she’s got a weird personality and not a cool weird personality you’d get from someone that tries so hard to be different. Really if you think about it, it’s not the girls that are antisocial like Faces McGee up there. It’s the girls that act normal and have some intelligence like Kari Byran and I would try to think of another example  but it’s so rare to come by I can’t think of another one, that get the guys. You can tell this girl has a really fucked up personality. For example  if you offered her a hot dog you’d get a weird look and new cuts on her arms the next day. Probably spends most of her free time, and I bet there is a lot of free time, drawing pictures that really suck. The only thing that gets her up in the morning is her belief of how unique she is and how much more awesome she is than you.

If you liked the same bands or “groups” as she does you’ll probably be in her category of dating material. I feel sorry for the black t-shirt with lighting and guitars on it wearing guy that would end up with her. She’ll produce a rule book full of insane rules like don’t cut your thumb nail, here’s a list of pantone colors you can use in future tattoos, we use the third person is to be used all the time around my friends and your friends can’t talk to me or comment on my hipster style artwork while they are over here watching you play Halo.

You know because there’s always a guy desperate enough out there she’ll one day become a mother. I can only imagine what her kids will turn out like.

Yeah your mother’s a bitch alright, maybe the next time she tries to commit suicide for attention, she’ll be successful.