August 30th, 2009 by Spencer

Let’s talk about me, me, me.

This bitch has probably had sex with most of the supervisors in the call center where she works, yet no amount of sexual favors seems to bring that promotion.  That’s because nobody told her “you’re just another disposable fuck-toy destined to be replaced by hot 20-something talent as soon as you pass your freshness date”.
She’s taken in so much supervisor DNA over the years that when she eventually gives birth, the baby will be able to offer you a full refund when it throws up on your shoulder.

Frustrated with life and conscious that she’s no longer in her 20s she resorts to emulating the looks of younger women.  That’s why we see the characteristic eye covered by hair and star tattoo.  It’s classic “I’m 33 wishing I was 23″.

Outside of work this bitch is anxious if the topic of conversation veers away from herself, preferring to discuss:

- A name-dropped list of big people and ‘connections’.
- Dangerous stories about what happens to anyone who fucks with her
- Excuses as to why she is not more successful in life

Never passing up an opportunity to check herself out in the mirror/shiny surfaces this bitch fails to realize that youthful fashion statements and black and white photography can only wind the clock back for so long.

Next time you’re asked for your customer account details, spare a thought for the call center bitch trying to blow her way to the top.  She’ll still be answering the phones when she’s 45 and, to reward this dedication they’ll probably move her job to India.  That’s ok though, remember – this bitch knows people.  If anyone tries to move her job they will be fucking with the wrong people.
I’m sure the CEO of her company will be watching his back every day from that beach house in The Seychelles…

August 23rd, 2009 by Spencer

“I AM NOT A BITCH I AM THE BITCH”

So why did you choose those exact words for your t-shirt lady?
We just want to get a handle on whatever’s behind those words.
There’s definitely a couple of points we’d like to discuss.

Wait… your hairstyle seems strangely familiar…

Some bitches style their hair like hobbits in a bid to seem friendly and familiar to guys with a
Lord Of The Rings DVD boxset.

It’s the oldest trick in the book.  Never let that shit slip under your radar.

Be suspicious of any women who want to talk about Star Wars too, or sport.  Lots of bitches use the sport convo to get in with you just so they can fuck your best friend.  Be wary, especially if they know more about sport than women should (anything).  If in doubt, tell her your friends are all HIV+  If she’s still hanging around then that’s a green light.

August 22nd, 2009 by admin

Years of walking up and down wobbly non-attached stairs to a mobile home have chiseled the look that you see in that picture. I’m sure her mother was proud when she made it 17 without having her first kid. That’s 2 years older than when she gave birth to her. I’m sure the baby’s name is something like Chastity or Rhett. It’s ok though, the father sends $50 a week and picks her up in his tricked out 80′s model Buick Regal. They go cruising on Friday nights between the local mall and Pizza Hut. He’s aspiring to either become a rapper or start his own recording studio. He’s even drawn out his own logo. It’s a pot leaf with two 9mm pistols over the top. He’s got a “cousin” in the business that’s going to help get him started.

Conversation with this bitch is limited to bitching about how the other teen mothers in the trailer park shouldn’t be “runnin they mouth”, and do you know where to get any weed. Due to a low self esteem and small frame of reference, jokes are always taken as insults. Unless the jokes are about weed, then you might get a smirk.  It’s difficult to navigate the world of drugs and interracial dating for the sole purpose to piss off your parents AND try to make good grades while work a real job. Well heck work any job. I guess with a face like that you can write off sales or customer service. Maybe that victim attitude she carries around will land her a nice welfare check until junior there drops out of high school. The main reason being the other kids and teachers don’t get him and math is too hard.

August 19th, 2009 by admin

This bitch looks like Doug.

August 17th, 2009 by Spencer

What’s up bitch fans.

I’m no expert on genetics so I’m going to give you some basic science here.

Generally when you procreate, you’re not going to come up with something as well presented as this bitch.
Chances are, you don’t have the big eye / anime genes necessary.  Not many of us do.

So how can we all win when making children?  This is a question scientists have been asking for centuries and one we are going to answer today…

Just have sex with something cute.

Consider inserting your penis into one of the following:

Preferrably one with big tits if you really want your progeny to look like today’s bukake-me bitch.

August 15th, 2009 by Spencer

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn, and cauldron bubble”

Famous words there from the witches in Shakespear’s Macbeth… or as the woman above would say,
“fuck this I need a smoke”

I don’t know exactly what’s on this bitch’s agenda.  I know the following items are not:

- Expanding the frontiers of human knowledge by developing a new theory on spacetime.
- Cleaning her teeth

As for the shiny face…  When I was 16 my Dad explained how women get a shiny face:

“Women get shiny faces from giving too many blowjobs.  They suck away and their cheeks repeatedly rub across the bottom of a guy’s shiny leather jacket and that’s how they wind up with a shiny face.”

I was shocked by his words.  It wasn’t what I expected to hear at Mom’s funeral.
It was an educational eulogy speech, I’ll give him that.

Thinking back, my Uncle Peter and his friend Derek used to have very shiny faces.  Mostly when they came out of the toolshed after “mending stuff”.  One day, when we were having a barbecue, a neighbour shouted “you guys should join the YMCA”.
Mom shouted back “I’ll burn your fucking house down nigger fuck”.  It was meaningless grown-up speak to me, aged 6, as I played in my sandbox.

But years later, you have that Columbo-like moment of adult realization where you stop and think…
So that’s why Mom asked me to throw the dogshit over the fence.

August 12th, 2009 by Spencer

Whatever you thought you knew, or think you know, forget it. This bitch knows more.

She’s done everything you have in your entire life only bigger and better.

Most of her friends have done stuff, similar to what you do.  The only difference being, her friends have won awards.

Superior people find inferior people incredibly boring.  In fact, she’s getting bored just looking at your pathetic face right now.  Her sneery expression can’t conceal her loathing for your sub-180 IQ and the fact that you don’t regularly attend seminars on climate change.

Truth is, she decided she didn’t like you the moment you walked up and interrupted her conversation on 19th century political unrest and Parisian suburbs, by burping in her face.

There’s just no pleasing some people.

August 11th, 2009 by admin

“JAIL BIRDS Samantha B. Fisher, 18 years old, was arrested Monday on one count of Unlawful Neglect of a Child by Sptbg. county sheriff’s deputies. After a child under the age of one was admitted to the Pediatric Unit at Sptbg. Regional Medical Center with a broken leg and several healing rib fractures, she is the mother of the child. She was transported to the Spartanburg County Detention Center and booked until a bond hearing.”

This is proof that you CAN judge a book by it’s cover, when it comes to bitches. Just take a good look at that 18 year old, already had a simi-stroke face.

Here’s a picture of what she’ll look like in 30 years.

That her explaining to her now 30 year old kid why they walk with a limp.

This is white trash at it’s best. She’s another one of these girls that are angry because they aren’t pretty. That’s what’s crazy, I don’t understand how you could neglect a child when your day is made up killing the time between writing bad checks for groceries and watching your stories. You’d think with all the boys that don’t call she would have more than enough time to be able to watch a kid. I feel sorry for the father of the baby. Could you imagine seeing her naked? I bet she looked like a pale new born hamster with stretch marks. Then some poor doctor had to see that kid being born too! Probably looked like the random items sewer workers pull from clogged pipes.

Just think about being a little drunk, she’s somehow talked you into it. You’re telling yourself “It’s been over a year since I’ve had sex”. You get her naked, but like the soldiers to have set foot on the beaches of Normandy, you were committed. You get those panties off. Trying to ignore the fact that both of your legs can fit into one of the leg holes. You see that lasagna style birth hole. Well less of a hole more a box of cow tongue. Then you slide your manhood inside, not sure if it’s in anything that resembles a pussy. You think about that girl with the glasses at the library. It’s all you have in this moment. I know the smell over powers your elaborate fantasy but somehow you finish up.  The rest is history from there but you vowed to never speak of this again.  Somehow, by an oversight of God. Her reproductive organs work and she confirmed that the movie Idiocracy is right.

August 10th, 2009 by Spencer

That’s right, this bitch wants you to believe that she hasn’t played around with her profile pic.
We believe you.  We also believe in crop circles and UFOs bitch, including the one that just dropped you off.

Why the luminous face?  Even without photoshop looks like you need to get some sun and some iron in your diet bitch.

And, if you’re going to go to all the trouble of adjusting your photo make some effort with the location.   To the left we have a dirty rack of shoes, to the right there is a big veiny cock through a window.

The creepy supernatural glow is just a bit too Area 51…  But why would an alien want to visit her?

August 10th, 2009 by Spencer

Do you wanna meet a girl with emotional depth who really understands life?

Then stay the fuck away from this razorblade wielding bitch.
You can immediately tell just from looking at this pouting shitpile that all she wants to do is bore you with endless stories of self-hate and self-harm; broken up by vacuous opinions about her bullshit taste in music.

Wrongly believing her blow-dried, emo-fringe will get you hard, she patiently pouts waiting for someone to look interested..

Trust me, this self-obsessed bitch would rather mouth-milk the dog and gargle on his happy-juice than listen to anyone else’s worthless opinion.

And what about those eyes?  Behind the hair, kind of there, yet not there…?
That’s clever bitch.  I’m going to do that to my hair so we can bump into shit together.

What’s wrong with a crazy fringe?  According to national statistics emo kids are 16% more likely to die in road accidents due to their restricted vision behind the wheel.

So I would  think twice about getting into a vehicle driven by this bitch.
It could all end in tragedy.  She could make me listen to her music.