May 29th, 2010 by admin

Funny how a girl like Jacqueline92 here that looks like she walked out of an anime movie playing a style of guitar that was popular two decades ago and can be praised as a genius.  A guy doing exactly the same thing would be told to tune his guitar, cut his hair or made fun of for being an 80′s freak. Meeting this girl would be a real pain in the ass. Just like meeting someone like James Caan. A real self absorbed piece of shit. I’m sure the only way you could have a conversation with her is if you were an encyclopedia of over rated guitar players from the last century.

Girls that are in to stereotypical guy things like sports, tools or racing, always seem to be one dimensional. Take Dimebag Sherrell up there, you know talking to her about anything other than guitar would draw a blank. It would be like playing $25,000 Pyramid with a 6 year old. You’d get a lot of repeating what you just said and blank stares.

Some women really try hard by liking guy stuff but they don’t really understand what that guys really don’t give a shit what she likes or not. She just has to suck dick like a pro. Instead they are trying to impress a single group of guys, like a girls who “loves” sports. Most sports fans are losers. They will waste an entire weekend watching football instead of paying attention to the family or fixing the leaky faucet in the kitchen. Just think about all the guys you know that play guitar. Why get into playing shred guitar like this bitch has done? Who is she trying to impress? You know if you didn’t know anything about guitar she wouldn’t give you the time of day. You also know what guys are like that obsess about playing guitar. Just think about your friend’s older brother. You know that 31 year old that rents the room above his parents garage. He works the graveyard shift at Wal-Mart buffing the floors because he’s too antisocial to deal with the public. The 31 year old that used to be in a band, hands out demo tapes even though most people don’t have anyway of playing a cassette tape anymore. Kids these days don’t even know you can flip the tape over and play the other side. No one cares that he can sing like Axl Rose anymore. Just watch the documentary Anvil: The Story of Anvil. That will explain it all.

I bet you couldn’t even talk to her about other kinds of music without her becoming a real snob about it. Like the band Was (Not_Was).

You know Jacqueline92 doesn’t know shit about this band. I mean just look at these guys. It’s obvious know of the two token white guys in the band or “group” doesn’t play the bass. Just listen to Walk the Dinosaur. That bass is too funky for anyone of the pale variety to wrap their head around. What the hell is the deal with those white guys anyway. It’s like the one on the wants to look like Tom Waits so bad he can’t see straight and I never knew that the guy from Counting Crows was in Was (Not Was). You know those black guys are very serious about what the do for a living. The kind of black guy that gets out of an ’86 Lincoln Continental and wouldn’t be above getting into an argument with the part time waitress at Pizza Hut because the sign says $10 large pizza and when they get to the register it’s $11.99. She tries to explain that stuff crust is extra but they don’t want to hear her shit. They will point at people with their canes and get upset over the extra $1.99 until some guy behind them just throws the money on the counter and says there you go you fucking bag of shit! Just get your goddamn pizza and get the fuck out!

I’d like to see this bitch really rock out Camptown Races. She probably wouldn’t because she’s so serious about her future career in playing 80′s hair metal in 2010. She might as well cut her hair in the style of the Seinfeld mullet. Get some pants with elastic in the waste and triangles printed all over them and just teach guitar. You also have to tuck a a white t-shirt into your pants and wear high tops to teach guitar in music stores. Ironically the Mel Bay books they make you get will start you out with songs like Camptown Races.

Fuck her! I’ll get on stage and play a bunch of TV themes like Night Court, or Hangn’ with Mr. Cooper then end the show with Careless Whisper or that song Oh Yeah by Yello. Hell I could probably move out to some trendy artsy city like Seattle and just get on stage and do sound effects. Just grab the mic and be like “Here’s a door closing” or “White noise”. I might even just get on stage and tell the audience that we are going to have a staring contest. Tell them to be quiet and just stare at each other. Slowly take my pants off and see who looks away. When I’m done just throw a bunch of candy out and thank everyone for coming out. You know you’d rather see that than this bitch play Eruption or Dream Theater or something that sounds exactly like it but not quite as good as the original.

Could be worse though, I had a roommate that was in a band that covered Against the Wind by Bob Seger. Then he had the audacity to say they played “face melting” rock.

I have to take my blood pressure medicine now. I need to lay down.

May 10th, 2010 by admin

Court went well, we were acquitted on all charges. The long arm of the law tried it’s hardest but our message of hate shall resume.

Thanks for being patience, the death threats were at a minimum. New bitches have been submitted and we are picking out new candidates as we speak.

Time in jail wasn’t that bad, still have my butt cherry.

More posts are on the way.

March 18th, 2010 by Spencer

A few days ago we were contacted by a guy who was upset because we posted a picture of his bitch on this site:

Remember her?  What a pretentious bitch!

She’s dumb as fuck, and so is the idiot who contacted us on her behalf.  For the benefit of our loyal readers and bitch-hating fans around the globe we’re going to embarrass these kids by showing you the bullshit they sent us.

First of all, this guy sends us an email last friday:

Hi, I’d like to make a request for you to remove one of the submissions made last year.
It’s of the girl you titled ‘Pretentious Bitch’.

Here’s the link.
http://www.girllookslikeabitch.com/pretentious-bitch/

She submitted herself a while back for a joke to see what you guys would say about her and she died last week in a car accident.
It’d be very much appreciated by her friends and family if you could remove the article, it’s probably not the best way we want her to be remembered.

Thanks again.

Being the caring folks we are at GirlLooksLikeABitch we were deeply concerned with the mention of death and that one of our stories might be causing undue distress to a family during bereavement.

So, in accordance with our policy we consulted the GirlLooksLikeABitch magic 8-ball to figure out what to do.  It told us to write back to the guy explaining that we think his story is probably bullshit and to ask for proof of death.  You know, like a scanned funeral pamphlet or something:- The 8-ball knows that there are a lot of bullshitters out there who’d sell their own kids to get their bitch pic off our site.  I think it likes to be absolutely sure of it’s facts and so do we.

So we wrote back to the kid asking for proof.  This is what we got back:

Well everything seems to be in order.  I should make a public apology…
Wait… Lieutenant Columbo wants to speak to me…

“There is just one more thing Sir…  I couldn’t help noticing the image size is 500×329.  Mrs Columbo does a lot of web design and she tells me that’s a very unusual image size Sir.
If I was going to steal an image of a funeral pamphlet from Google I guess there must be hundreds or thousands to choose from.  What if I stole the image and didn’t bother to change the size.  Then that 500×329 would act like a fingerprint Sir.”

Turns out, of the many images of funeral pamphlets on Google Images, there is only one that’s 500×329:

Of course, they could have just had funerals at the same place with the same style of pamphlet.  Yes that’s probably what happened.  Wait… Columbo wants me to look at the creases in the paper…

The creases have been highlighted on the 2 images and then turned red to add tension and drama.
As you can see, the marks are in all the same places because the image of the pamphlet was copied.

The lazy fucker didn’t even bother to change the names:  same Reverend officiating, same honorary pallbearers, same pallbearers.. everything’s the same except for the obvious bits that have been photoshopped by an idiot.  It’s like the shit you’d get if you asked the old lady next door to edit it for you after she downed a bottle of gin.  Nice job.

Aside from being disrespectful to Mr. Johnson, Sr. and his family by using his genuine memorial service pamphlet this shows why this nasty bitch belongs on this site. She’s a low-life, her friends are low-lifes and between them, they couldn’t bullshit their way out of a paper bag.

The humiliation must be unbearable.  Her picture’s going nowhere and must remain on this site for life.

February 21st, 2010 by admin

Redheads come in two flavors. Hot or puke…

Fire Crotch, Carrot Top, Fire Engine, Bluey, Rosetop, Tampon Tops, Firetop, Siren, Cigarette or whatever you call them. Gingers are a unique evil breed of bitch.  Gingers, like most Irish girls, use sex as a tool to get what they want. What they want all depends. Sometimes they want to make Daddy upset. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to piss off an ex-boyfriend or current boyfriend. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to make a  guy jealous. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to get a good grade in African American studies. So they go down the local bar and pick up the black teacher. Sometimes they want to get a better rate on their credit card. So they arrange a time and place to meet up for a quickie with the credit card guy, and then go down the local bars and pick up a black guy so they can feel something because you can run a marching band out of that vagina with all the black guys she’s been sleeping with since she was 11.

Redhead Facts

• They bleed more.
• Redheads are more prone to being deaf due to a deal made with Satan.
• Carrot Top hates you so much he came up with a stand up routine that is horrible but you will spend a hour or so watching.
• Adolph Hitler reportedly banned the marriages of two redheads as he feared their children would be “deviant” offspring.
• Redheads get their color from unclean sex while a woman is going through he menstruation period.
• Since bees can sense evil, they are more likely to sting a red headed person.
• Corsica, if you pass a redhead in the street you are to spit and turn around.
• A Russian Proverb warns “There was never a saint with red hair.”
• Redheads taste like iron.

Redheads really scare this shit out of me. I had second thoughts about writing this article. Most Irish girls are too busy praying, and popping out kids the off time from being beaten by their husbands to be evil.  A red headed girl is off having sex with your father and dreaming up the most evil way she can tell you and the rest of your family at Thanksgiving while talking you into raising the half  black kid she fired out last week.

The nickname “Siren” is very appropriate due to the fact that half of all redheads are irresistible.  If you aren’t careful you’ll find yourself tied to a bed with her trying to stick a needle in your ear.

January 20th, 2010 by Spencer

Some people like to do yoga naked from the waste down…  It’s called mental illness.

Don’t know about you, but like this bitch, I like to really feel the breeze through my ass crack when I’m meditating, although I doubt her copy of “Spirituality For Dummies” said anything about taking pants off.

Living with a crazy bitch is never easy.  Her husband left her in 2003 for a normal woman who will put out without having to wait for the astrological go ahead from Mercury and Uranus.

Being dumped came as a shock – the tarot didn’t mention it, so these days she steers clear of romantic involvement… although she does flick her bean to a Fox News anchor who has convinced her that global warming is fraud.

She also has an 11 year old son who she embarrasses by saying stuff in front of his friends like “urine is good for the skin” and “did you remember to take your worm medicine?”.

Her erratic thinking is encouraged by her friends who produce dizzy online tutorials or “random yoga-is-yummy videos” as they are known on the streets of America:

Hey wake up, it’s finished.  This clip proves what we’ve been saying for years:
It IS possible to move like a yoga jedi, learn innovative ways to tie your church scarf AND lube up a zucchini all in under 5 minutes…  So yeah, a big fuck you to all the doubters.

January 14th, 2010 by admin

That smile doesn’t cover up the fact that this bitch has Play-Doh machine hair.

When she’s not pretending that she reads books by wearing glasses, she’s busy passive aggressively getting back at all the boys that broke her heart by her sending pictures of her private areas to kids that were born in the 90′s. You know, kids that don’t know what Max Headroom is or the fact that tapes have two sides.  You can just tell by her Woody Allen looks she’s a real bitch. She’s the kind of girl that will feed you bullshit like anal sex is ok because it isn’t real sex or one day she’ll be on American Idol even though she’s real nasally. I just wonder where you could squeeze her to get a star shaped coiler to slide out her STD hole?

Her parents wasted twenty something thousand dollars on her communications degree. She’s still a hostess at the local Applebee’s do to her inability to pass a drug test and is the 46 year old manager’s live in girlfriend. He makes the insurance payments on her Geo Tracker in exchange for the sex he never got from his ex-wife. It’s no problem though because his ex-wife has already found a daddy for their kids and  he just got back from Afghanistan.

December 31st, 2009 by Spencer

When we started writing this popular hate site, we never expected to get coverage in The New York Times or receive comedy nominations – so 2009 has been an interesting year for us.

We want to thank all our readers and the loyal bitch-haters who keep us inundated with such a fresh supply of bitch pics.

As always, keep the pics coming.  We don’t want all those egocentric, obnoxious assholes going around in 2010 thinking everyone likes them.  No we don’t.  So help us keep the flame of hate alive!™  If we could maybe get a few more angry emails from fathers threatening to sue us for blowing the whistle on some evil witch daughter in the new year then it will be a truly exquisite time for bitch ridicule around the world.

Don’t do it for us.  Do it for all the nice girls out there who don’t suck.

Our guest reviewer Kenzie (above) from Christchurch, New Zealand, took the time to email us to tell us how fucking great we are.  Thanks Kenzie.  She also shared some banal thoughts and trite philosophy – which after a few lines started to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher.  It was then that I switched off and went back to my comfy daydream about fucking her in the ass.  Look at those big eyes too, who wouldn’t want to glue those shut by blowing their beans all over that pretty face?

Happy New Year Bitch Fans!

December 28th, 2009 by admin

Facebook biches come in all shapes and sizes, lets just take the time to admire the cans on that small one for a minute. I don’t need to really point her out because she already has two man made beauties pointing right at you. A lot better than the sorry pre-harvest oranges on the right.

Holding a glass of  Bi-Lo wine doesn’t make you sophisticated.

Facebook is full of  post college trash. After majoring in drinking for 4 years at “state university” real life is kind of a drag. Facebook is a good way to show your friends how high class you’ve become by taking a shit load of pictures of yourself in front of European cathedrals or tall New York skyscrapers. Maybe everyone you knew back in the day will forget how you like to sleep around with your friends’ boyfriends. She’s well traveled, maybe she stopped using blow jobs as a hand shake.

When facebook girls aren’t covering up their whorish tendency with black dresses and making the guy they are fucking this week dress up in a sweater vest then goop product in his hair so he can look like he walked off the cast of Friends. They are letting the Mr. Hyde side of themselves come out to play. Ignorant as to why they didn’t get that job after a quick background check, a long night of bar hopping and waking up in the back seat of her Honda Accord with a foreign object stuck in a naughty place is normal.

Just a side note, this is a picture is probably of a girl from myspace not facebook. Myspace is a great source for bitches but that’s an already known fact. Myspace is a very sad place that makes normal people feel bad inside.

December 8th, 2009 by Spencer

I have a tattoo of Google’s Android Operating System logo on my wrist.

Of course, when we encounter such an edgy, intellectual lady on this site we like to ask the obvious question everyone’s wondering:  Does she give good head?

She knows how to make your windows boot quick, but when it comes to interfacing with your underpant champion, chances are she will slobber all over your junk like an old lady sucking on badly fitting dentures.

Why?  Because that’s the problem when you prefer machines to people.  Flowchart diagrams and TPS reports are a piece of cake but physical activities are awkward and clumsy.  It’s the same reason nobody wants a brainiac on their sports team.  Take Stephen Hawking for example – widely regarded as one of the most brilliant scientific minds alive but can he beat me at basketball?  No.  …To be fair, Professor Hawking – who has motor neurone disease, is so physically disabled he can’t wipe his own ass (or at least that’s what he’s been telling his sexy nurses for the last 25 years).  But if you spoke like Speak and Spell and your only physical contact with the opposite sex was having dribbled, mashed banana wiped from your chin every day you’d probably want to seize every intimate moment you could too.

The point is, the cleverer you are, the less physically gifted you are.  So if this hacker chick did drop to her knees and attempt to do the deed you should definitely expect frustration along the way…  For example, just as you’re finally getting somewhere she’d keep stopping to ask “Am I doing it right?”

In that situation, you need to speak the girl’s own hacker lingo to keep her focussed on the task while you complete your brute force attack on her tonsils.  Explain to her that you are the task manager and you have administrator access to her mouth.  Then, when the time is right, upload your genetic blueprint into her face.

December 5th, 2009 by admin

If she’s not too busy cutting out Hot Topic coupons or wishing the Matrix was real, she’s spending her time judging anyone that doesn’t dress just like her and then she judges whoever is dressed just like her. Blue hair’s boyfriend of the week would kick your ass if you try to defend yourself from her bullshit, so better to keep you’re insults to yourself unless you want his ridiculously overpriced boot up your ass. It wouldn’t matter anyway, just start talking about how great the movie The Crow was and he’ll want to sword fight dicks in no time.

Depression + Anger = Pay too much for stupid looking clothes.

Never understood the need to look so different when you’re angry at your parents for “screwing” your life up. We all get it! Daddy wouldn’t buy you that BMW like all the other girls got in high school so you feel the need to dye your hair, get a ton of jewelry inserted into interesting areas and laugh at death scenes in emotional movies. Why not do what African Americans do and just give up on life. Get yourself a “gat”, get on welfare, and sell drugs to upper middle class white kids in the local high schools. It’s better than living in your parents basement. Goths like this girl just decided one day the best thing they could do is be as pale as possible and wear clothes that would prevent you from getting a job almost anywhere. African Americans are so successful at what they do even dumb ass rednecks that hate black people listen to rap. You don’t hear Billy-Bob driving his Toyota truck listening to The Cure carrying a black lunch box. Anytime you describe something as “industrial” it’s going to suck.

I’m sure if you were on a date or whatever you’d like to call it with this girl the first measuring stick of self worth she’d use would be how many tats and piercings she had. Although it’s very interesting to see the creative places that her and every other goth girl has decided to place them, the “individuality” all goth people feel it’s important to express by listening to the same music, dressing the same way as each other, and adopting the same personalities, gets old fast. She’ll try so hard to be deep and interesting but if you spent a day with her you’d be bored out of your mind. After waking up at the break of 3pm smelling like an ash tray and Ted Kennedy’s breathe. You’d find yourself in a debate of why religion is soooo stupid and then watch her text one of her 2 girlfriends and 40 to 500 other guys until one of Vampire shows comes on. Then when the Sun goes down you’ll end up at a bar where everything is sticky and there are posters all over the walls of local death metal bands with names like Fetus Wound or Blood Infection. She’ll bring you over to her strange group of socially backward friends that will do nothing but complain about why people are religious even though half of them believe in witchcraft, and you’ll be rejected by a group of people that spend a good chunk of their time complaining that they aren’t accept by normal people. Then after that social awkwardness you can enjoy ending the evening or early morning with her lying about how she’s a suicide girl about  the sametime she takes the mystery drugs  some guy with the very original handle of Morpheus gives her.

You have to meet an impossible criteria based on strange set of bullshit beliefs to just to hang out with her. Even though she lathers on more makeup than a 12 year old on Stickam to look as pale as she does. If you have skin that’s one shade darker than milk how dare you stand in her majesty’s presence. You need to like all the crappy bands she likes and basically not get upset when she goes out and gets so wasted and starts letting middle aged guys feel her up. How dare you not accept her for who she is!