February 21st, 2010 by admin

Redheads come in two flavors. Hot or puke…

Fire Crotch, Carrot Top, Fire Engine, Bluey, Rosetop, Tampon Tops, Firetop, Siren, Cigarette or whatever you call them. Gingers are a unique evil breed of bitch.  Gingers, like most Irish girls, use sex as a tool to get what they want. What they want all depends. Sometimes they want to make Daddy upset. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to piss off an ex-boyfriend or current boyfriend. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to make a  guy jealous. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to get a good grade in African American studies. So they go down the local bar and pick up the black teacher. Sometimes they want to get a better rate on their credit card. So they arrange a time and place to meet up for a quickie with the credit card guy, and then go down the local bars and pick up a black guy so they can feel something because you can run a marching band out of that vagina with all the black guys she’s been sleeping with since she was 11.

Redhead Facts

• They bleed more.
• Redheads are more prone to being deaf due to a deal made with Satan.
• Carrot Top hates you so much he came up with a stand up routine that is horrible but you will spend a hour or so watching.
• Adolph Hitler reportedly banned the marriages of two redheads as he feared their children would be “deviant” offspring.
• Redheads get their color from unclean sex while a woman is going through he menstruation period.
• Since bees can sense evil, they are more likely to sting a red headed person.
• Corsica, if you pass a redhead in the street you are to spit and turn around.
• A Russian Proverb warns “There was never a saint with red hair.”
• Redheads taste like iron.

Redheads really scare this shit out of me. I had second thoughts about writing this article. Most Irish girls are too busy praying, and popping out kids the off time from being beaten by their husbands to be evil.  A red headed girl is off having sex with your father and dreaming up the most evil way she can tell you and the rest of your family at Thanksgiving while talking you into raising the half  black kid she fired out last week.

The nickname “Siren” is very appropriate due to the fact that half of all redheads are irresistible.  If you aren’t careful you’ll find yourself tied to a bed with her trying to stick a needle in your ear.

January 20th, 2010 by Spencer

Some people like to do yoga naked from the waste down…  It’s called mental illness.

Don’t know about you, but like this bitch, I like to really feel the breeze through my ass crack when I’m meditating, although I doubt her copy of “Spirituality For Dummies” said anything about taking pants off.

Living with a crazy bitch is never easy.  Her husband left her in 2003 for a normal woman who will put out without having to wait for the astrological go ahead from Mercury and Uranus.

Being dumped came as a shock – the tarot didn’t mention it, so these days she steers clear of romantic involvement… although she does flick her bean to a Fox News anchor who has convinced her that global warming is fraud.

She also has an 11 year old son who she embarrasses by saying stuff in front of his friends like “urine is good for the skin” and “did you remember to take your worm medicine?”.

Her erratic thinking is encouraged by her friends who produce dizzy online tutorials or “random yoga-is-yummy videos” as they are known on the streets of America:

Hey wake up, it’s finished.  This clip proves what we’ve been saying for years:
It IS possible to move like a yoga jedi, learn innovative ways to tie your church scarf AND lube up a zucchini all in under 5 minutes…  So yeah, a big fuck you to all the doubters.

January 14th, 2010 by admin

That smile doesn’t cover up the fact that this bitch has Play-Doh machine hair.

When she’s not pretending that she reads books by wearing glasses, she’s busy passive aggressively getting back at all the boys that broke her heart by her sending pictures of her private areas to kids that were born in the 90’s. You know, kids that don’t know what Max Headroom is or the fact that tapes have two sides.  You can just tell by her Woody Allen looks she’s a real bitch. She’s the kind of girl that will feed you bullshit like anal sex is ok because it isn’t real sex or one day she’ll be on American Idol even though she’s real nasally. I just wonder where you could squeeze her to get a star shaped coiler to slide out her STD hole?

Her parents wasted twenty something thousand dollars on her communications degree. She’s still a hostess at the local Applebee’s do to her inability to pass a drug test and is the 46 year old manager’s live in girlfriend. He makes the insurance payments on her Geo Tracker in exchange for the sex he never got from his ex-wife. It’s no problem though because his ex-wife has already found a daddy for their kids and  he just got back from Afghanistan.

December 31st, 2009 by Spencer

When we started writing this popular hate site, we never expected to get coverage in The New York Times or receive comedy nominations – so 2009 has been an interesting year for us.

We want to thank all our readers and the loyal bitch-haters who keep us inundated with such a fresh supply of bitch pics.

As always, keep the pics coming.  We don’t want all those egocentric, obnoxious assholes going around in 2010 thinking everyone likes them.  No we don’t.  So help us keep the flame of hate alive!™  If we could maybe get a few more angry emails from fathers threatening to sue us for blowing the whistle on some evil witch daughter in the new year then it will be a truly exquisite time for bitch ridicule around the world.

Don’t do it for us.  Do it for all the nice girls out there who don’t suck.

Our guest reviewer Kenzie (above) from Christchurch, New Zealand, took the time to email us to tell us how fucking great we are.  Thanks Kenzie.  She also shared some banal thoughts and trite philosophy – which after a few lines started to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher.  It was then that I switched off and went back to my comfy daydream about fucking her in the ass.  Look at those big eyes too, who wouldn’t want to glue those shut by blowing their beans all over that pretty face?

Happy New Year Bitch Fans!

December 28th, 2009 by admin

Facebook biches come in all shapes and sizes, lets just take the time to admire the cans on that small one for a minute. I don’t need to really point her out because she already has two man made beauties pointing right at you. A lot better than the sorry pre-harvest oranges on the right.

Holding a glass of  Bi-Lo wine doesn’t make you sophisticated.

Facebook is full of  post college trash. After majoring in drinking for 4 years at “state university” real life is kind of a drag. Facebook is a good way to show your friends how high class you’ve become by taking a shit load of pictures of yourself in front of European cathedrals or tall New York skyscrapers. Maybe everyone you knew back in the day will forget how you like to sleep around with your friends’ boyfriends. She’s well traveled, maybe she stopped using blow jobs as a hand shake.

When facebook girls aren’t covering up their whorish tendency with black dresses and making the guy they are fucking this week dress up in a sweater vest then goop product in his hair so he can look like he walked off the cast of Friends. They are letting the Mr. Hyde side of themselves come out to play. Ignorant as to why they didn’t get that job after a quick background check, a long night of bar hopping and waking up in the back seat of her Honda Accord with a foreign object stuck in a naughty place is normal.

Just a side note, this is a picture is probably of a girl from myspace not facebook. Myspace is a great source for bitches but that’s an already known fact. Myspace is a very sad place that makes normal people feel bad inside.

December 8th, 2009 by Spencer

I have a tattoo of Google’s Android Operating System logo on my wrist.

Of course, when we encounter such an edgy, intellectual lady on this site we like to ask the obvious question everyone’s wondering:  Does she give good head?

She knows how to make your windows boot quick, but when it comes to interfacing with your underpant champion, chances are she will slobber all over your junk like an old lady sucking on badly fitting dentures.

Why?  Because that’s the problem when you prefer machines to people.  Flowchart diagrams and TPS reports are a piece of cake but physical activities are awkward and clumsy.  It’s the same reason nobody wants a brainiac on their sports team.  Take Stephen Hawking for example – widely regarded as one of the most brilliant scientific minds alive but can he beat me at basketball?  No.  …To be fair, Professor Hawking – who has motor neurone disease, is so physically disabled he can’t wipe his own ass (or at least that’s what he’s been telling his sexy nurses for the last 25 years).  But if you spoke like Speak and Spell and your only physical contact with the opposite sex was having dribbled, mashed banana wiped from your chin every day you’d probably want to seize every intimate moment you could too.

The point is, the cleverer you are, the less physically gifted you are.  So if this hacker chick did drop to her knees and attempt to do the deed you should definitely expect frustration along the way…  For example, just as you’re finally getting somewhere she’d keep stopping to ask “Am I doing it right?”

In that situation, you need to speak the girl’s own hacker lingo to keep her focussed on the task while you complete your brute force attack on her tonsils.  Explain to her that you are the task manager and you have administrator access to her mouth.  Then, when the time is right, upload your genetic blueprint into her face.

December 5th, 2009 by admin

If she’s not too busy cutting out Hot Topic coupons or wishing the Matrix was real, she’s spending her time judging anyone that doesn’t dress just like her and then she judges whoever is dressed just like her. Blue hair’s boyfriend of the week would kick your ass if you try to defend yourself from her bullshit, so better to keep you’re insults to yourself unless you want his ridiculously overpriced boot up your ass. It wouldn’t matter anyway, just start talking about how great the movie The Crow was and he’ll want to sword fight dicks in no time.

Depression + Anger = Pay too much for stupid looking clothes.

Never understood the need to look so different when you’re angry at your parents for “screwing” your life up. We all get it! Daddy wouldn’t buy you that BMW like all the other girls got in high school so you feel the need to dye your hair, get a ton of jewelry inserted into interesting areas and laugh at death scenes in emotional movies. Why not do what African Americans do and just give up on life. Get yourself a “gat”, get on welfare, and sell drugs to upper middle class white kids in the local high schools. It’s better than living in your parents basement. Goths like this girl just decided one day the best thing they could do is be as pale as possible and wear clothes that would prevent you from getting a job almost anywhere. African Americans are so successful at what they do even dumb ass rednecks that hate black people listen to rap. You don’t hear Billy-Bob driving his Toyota truck listening to The Cure carrying a black lunch box. Anytime you describe something as “industrial” it’s going to suck.

I’m sure if you were on a date or whatever you’d like to call it with this girl the first measuring stick of self worth she’d use would be how many tats and piercings she had. Although it’s very interesting to see the creative places that her and every other goth girl has decided to place them, the “individuality” all goth people feel it’s important to express by listening to the same music, dressing the same way as each other, and adopting the same personalities, gets old fast. She’ll try so hard to be deep and interesting but if you spent a day with her you’d be bored out of your mind. After waking up at the break of 3pm smelling like an ash tray and Ted Kennedy’s breathe. You’d find yourself in a debate of why religion is soooo stupid and then watch her text one of her 2 girlfriends and 40 to 500 other guys until one of Vampire shows comes on. Then when the Sun goes down you’ll end up at a bar where everything is sticky and there are posters all over the walls of local death metal bands with names like Fetus Wound or Blood Infection. She’ll bring you over to her strange group of socially backward friends that will do nothing but complain about why people are religious even though half of them believe in witchcraft, and you’ll be rejected by a group of people that spend a good chunk of their time complaining that they aren’t accept by normal people. Then after that social awkwardness you can enjoy ending the evening or early morning with her lying about how she’s a suicide girl about  the sametime she takes the mystery drugs  some guy with the very original handle of Morpheus gives her.

You have to meet an impossible criteria based on strange set of bullshit beliefs to just to hang out with her. Even though she lathers on more makeup than a 12 year old on Stickam to look as pale as she does. If you have skin that’s one shade darker than milk how dare you stand in her majesty’s presence. You need to like all the crappy bands she likes and basically not get upset when she goes out and gets so wasted and starts letting middle aged guys feel her up. How dare you not accept her for who she is!

November 29th, 2009 by Spencer

I’m in a band

Really?  That’s interesting because nobody gives a fuck.

Chances are, you sound shit, you can’t play and most of your time wasted “jamming” is spent mutually congratulating the other band members on imaginary talent or discussing the imaginary day you’re so big you go on a world tour.

Well bitch… I’d love to stay and chat but I actually have to go and talk to some grown-ups so if you could finish bagging my groceries that’d be fucking great.

November 18th, 2009 by Spencer

See how her triangular face emerges from its blow-dried cocoon like an angry polygon hatching out of a furry egg.

Yes, today we have another specimen to examine under the GirlLooksLikeABitch microscope.

I’ve measured the angles of her face with my protractor and it’s a triangle.  Always carry a protractor so you can lockdown the geometry of a bitch with an equilateral face.

Having taken all the necessary measurements, I can confirm she’s a bitch.  She probably does that thing with her fingers all the time when she’s talking.  And, I’d guess most of her sentences include the words “Doing The Whole” and “Thing” e.g. : “Doing the whole conversation thing, doing the whole blow-dried hair thing, doing the whole girl looks like a bitch thing.“  – You know, the linguistic signature of a 21st century idiot.

On the back of that you know she readily substitutes coherent English for whatever bullshit way of speaking she picks up day-to-day in forums; to the point that her parents and other adults don’t have a clue what she’s talking about 99% of the time.  Only 2 other people on the planet can understand all her in-jokes and affected speech.  Not surprisingly, they all share the same hairstyle and all discuss inventive ways to kill their parents when they get grounded.

Anyway, the bitch above sees herself as their leader.  Whenever a new social networking phenomena emerges she’s all over it like a rash and is quick to tell her friends who have not yet moved over to Twatbook or MyShit how behind with the times they are.

She also writes a blog about obscure Japanese bands you’ve never heard of.  If you did hear about them, she’d stop writing about them and move onto something you’ve not heard of.  She’s not actually interested in the bands or the music, she’s only really interested in you believing that she’s “cutting edge”.  And, like so many bitches, she’s one giant ego-fuelled, hormonal train-wreck who just needs to realize that her “trademark uniqueness” can be found on every street in every city.  Yawn.

The problem with living the life of a self-deluded bullshitter is that ultimately things go wrong…
It’s like Uncle Derek used to say, “Having sex with your Uncle is perfectly natural”.  That was before he got arrested.
I remember when the police confiscated his computer.  They wanted to know why he had pictures of Angelo, the boy next door on his hard drive.  He told them some story that Angelo’s pants had fallen down by accident and he was helping to zip them up…  the camera just happened to be there.

So they asked him why would you need to zip them up with your mouth?  That’s when his bullshit fell apart.

He’s in jail now.  The moral of the story is, don’t bullshit, you’ll get found out in the end.
Besides, it sets a bad example for kids like Triangulina here and her impressionable friends.

November 12th, 2009 by admin

Ignorance is the weapon black women like this use against any kind of reasoning or moral obligations the rest of us in society use on a daily basis.

Arrive at the exact same time as Shaniqua at a 4-way stop and even though you’re the person on the right and have right-of-way, she will go first. You aren’t half as important as she is. Doesn’t matter if you’re late for work, going to visit your sick Grandmother, or even going to identify the body of a love one at the morgue. Where you need to be isn’t half as important as where she needs to be.

The people that get it worst are those who work in the service industry. A waitress can forget getting a tip. Although she’ll receive a great deal more grief for any effort she puts into it. Not sure if she’s just that self centered or embarrassed to admit she can’t calculate 15% in her head. Simple math, forget it! Not happening in this beauty product smelling world she lives in.

A car mechanic isn’t in the clear either. If he works on her car, anything that goes wrong with it in the future is his fault. If she is quoted a price for something by anyone on the phone they have to add tax in. If they don’t she’ll show up with a check for the exact amount they quoted and get her panties in a wad and make a scene.

Finding a rich man is of the highest priority. Work is to be avoided at all costs, because lets all face it. She’s better than that. With all she has to offer, finding a rich man shouldn’t be hard to do.

For some reason this bitch enjoys oiling herself up like a pig. The shinier her skin the more beautiful she is or it just makes it harder for a cop to catch her. Vaseline is a cure all for any kind of skin problem as well. Feet cracked up, no problem, just glob in a ton of Vaseline. Make sure you get it in between your toes and wear flip flops into public places. Shaniqua isn’t above putting cooking oil in her hair as well. I’m not talking about the wig she has on. I’m talking about the very short, wiry hair that sits underneath. That’s why the strictly deep fried diet is important. On that note I’d hate to see her bathroom. Probably looks like a beauty section in a local drug store. I don’t understand the tattoo on her arm either. Is it supposed to draw your eye away from her Grimus body type? No tattoo is going to draw people’s attention away from the fact that if she took her bottom off you wouldn’t have to censor anything out for TV.